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The Googlest, Apparently!
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Like you needed any extra excuse!!!

Sent from my SM-G950F using Tapatalk
lol, yeah, nah. I haven't had a drop since xmas smarty pants ... 😝
 
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I Have Imaginary Friends
Patrol Hybrid.
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13,585 Posts
Olaf and Lena were a couple in love from the back blocks of Norway, but throughout their courtship Olaf and Lena abstained from sex. The closer it got to the wedding the more Olaf got excited. Until one night after a heavy petting session Olaf beat the pickle so much that he ended up with a big blister.

Worried that he might have spoiled his wedding night he went to see the doctor who told him, "Olaf, I'll have to put de willy in a splint to let it heal, and keep it straight. It should be okay next veek, but leave it on de organ as long as you can. "He then took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together... quite an impressive work of art.

Olaf mentioned none of this to Lena but kept the splint on. They were married the next week, and went on their honeymoon in the Azores. That night in their room at the Resort, Lena ripped open her blouse to reveal her beautiful, untouched breasts She said: "Olaf...you're the first vun! No vun has EVER seen deez."Olaf immediately dropped his pants pointed to his willy and replied:
"Look at dis Lena ... still in DA PACKING CRATE!"
 

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The Googlest, Apparently!
nissan patrol
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15,647 Posts
519802
519803
519804
 

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I Have Imaginary Friends
Patrol Hybrid.
Joined
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13,585 Posts
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and Family values.
Bill said, ‘I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?’
Larry replied, ‘I’m not sure, what was her maiden name?’

A little boy went up to his father and asked: ‘Dad, where did my intelligence come from?’
The father replied. ‘Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.’

‘Mr.Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,’ the divorce Court Judge said, ‘And I’ve decided to give your wife $775 a week,’
‘That’s very fair, your honor,’ the husband said. ‘And every now and then I’ll try to send her a few bucks myself.’

A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, ‘I don’t like the looks of your wife at all..’
‘Me neither doc,’said the husband. ‘But she’s a great cook and really good with the kids.’

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, ‘Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.’
The old man says without hesitation, ‘I now pronounce you man and wife.’

Two Reasons Why It’s So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
1.The DNA all matches.
There are no dental records.

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, ‘Can you tell me how long it’ll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?’
The agent replies, ‘Just a minute.’
‘Thank you,’ the blonde says, and hangs up.

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
‘How was he killed?’ asked one detective.
‘With a golf gun,’ the other detective replied.
‘A golf gun! What is a golf gun?’
‘I don’t know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.’

Moe:’My wife got me to believe in religion.’
Joe: Really ?’
Moe: ‘Yeah. Until I married her I didn’t believe in Hell.’

A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling. ‘I’m O.K. But I didn’t like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,’ he answered.
‘What did he say,’ asked the nurse.
‘Oops!’

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband’s advice.
‘What do you think?’ I asked. ‘Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?’
‘Better get a bikini,’ he replied. ‘You’d never get it all in one.’
He’s still in intensive care.

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance.
The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, ‘Well, she’s there.’
 
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The Googlest, Apparently!
nissan patrol
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519945
 
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The Googlest, Apparently!
nissan patrol
Joined
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15,647 Posts
In an old outback pub a husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

Yes, she says, "I remember it well."

OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good ,idea!"

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.

Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."
 

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The Googlest, Apparently!
nissan patrol
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15,647 Posts
520211
 
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After Monday and Tuesday, even the calender says W
06 Td42ti cab chassis
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Broncos
 

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just a good guy.
2009 gu ute
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8,667 Posts
very good .. Lee Got it in 3 minutes. urac.
 
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