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The Googlest, Apparently!
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CONTEMPORARY COVID-19/20

🦸🏻‍♂️- Not even in my wildest dreams I imagined myself entering a Bank, wearing a mask and asking for money.

✋🏻🤚🏻- Never thought my hands will one day consume more alcohol than my liver...Ever!

💀- Quarantine seems like a Netflix series...just when you think it is over, they release the next season.

😷- I’m starting to like this mask thing...went to the supermarket and two people that I owed money to didn’t recognize me.

📆- Who was complaining that 2020 didn’t have enough holidays...Now what?

😜- I need to social distance myself from my smart fridge; I tested positive for excess weight!

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦- Someone can tell me if the 2nd quarantine will be with the same family...
or we can change?

🖥- In just two weeks we will hear if there still two more weeks to let us know that two more weeks of quarantine are needed...

⏳- I’m not planning adding this 2020 to my age...I didn’t even use it!

😟- We should all want to publicly apologize to the year 2019 for all the bad things we said about it.

🙎🏻‍♀️- To all the ladies that were praying for their husbands to spend more time with them... How are you doing?

🚰- Now my smart washing machine only accepts pijamas...yesterday ..I put a pair of jeans and a message came “Stay Home”!😷🏠

👀- If I see anyone on December 31 crying for this year ending, I will break a Champaign bottle on their head!

💉- After all that we have been through, the only thing missing is that governments telling us that the vaccine will be available only in *suppository form.

👨‍🦱👩🏼‍🦱- I feel like a teenager... no money in my wallet, hair long and out of control, thinking what to do with my life, and grounded at home.
 
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GQ Wagon TB42S
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A Golfing Story...


Alan who lived in the north of England, decided to go golfing in Scotland with his buddy, Chris.

So they loaded up Alan's minivan and headed north.

After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard.

So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

'I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained, 'and I'm afraid the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house.'

'Don't worry,' Alan said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.'

The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of golf.

But about nine months later, Alan got an unexpected letter from an attorney.

It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the golf weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Chris and asked, "Chris, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our golf holiday in Scotland about 9 months ago ?"

'Yes, I do,' said Chris.

'Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit ?'

'Well, um, yes!,' Chris said, a little embarrassed about being found out, 'I have to admit that I did.'

'And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name ?'

Chris's face turned beet red and he said, 'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did.' 'Why do you ask ?'

'She just died and left me everything

And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you

I know you smiled



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro
 

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I Have Imaginary Friends
Patrol Hybrid.
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15,289 Posts
A little middle middle aged couple were in bed together when the wife started thinking to herself about the future if something should happen to her.

“Darling,” she said “If I die, then hypothetically would you marry again?”

“Oh no,” replied her husband “I could never do that”

“I wouldn’t mind” she said. “It would be nice to know you weren’t lonely”

“Well, okay then, maybe hypothetically I would” he says and gets back to his book.

After some more thinking the wife says “If you did hypothetically marry again, would you sleep with her in this bed?”

“Oh no, I couldn’t possibly do that, it would be disrespectful” says the husband.

“It’s okay, I wouldn’t mind” she continues.

“Well, okay then maybe hypothetically I could” says the husband.

Another few minutes go by before the wife asks “And if you did remarry, would you let her use my golf clubs?”

“Oh no” the husband responds “She’s left-handed.
 

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I Have Imaginary Friends
Patrol Hybrid.
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15,289 Posts
Whether you own a dog or not, you must appreciate the efforts of the sweet elderly pensioner lady when trying to find a good home for her enormous German Shepherd watch and guard dog .

She placed the following advert in the local newspaper

Free to good home ,excellent guard dog ,owner is a pensioner and cant afford to feed,Jethro anymore as there are no more ,drug pushers,murderers,thieves,molesters left in the neighbourhood for him to eat .

Most of them knew Jethro by his Chinese name,

HO LEE SCHITT .
 
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I Have Imaginary Friends
Patrol Hybrid.
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A young girl who was writing a paper for school came to her father and asked: Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?

The father replied: It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you what I mean.

With that the father went to the telephone and dialled a number at random. To the man who answered the phone, he said: Hello, is Melvin there?

The man answered: There is no one living here named Melvin. Why dont you learn to look up numbers before you dial.




See, said the father to his daughter. That man was not a bit happy with our call. He was probably very busy with something and we annoyed him. Now watch.
The father dialled the number again. Hello, is Melvin there? asked the father.
Now look here! came the heated reply. You just called this number and I told you that there is no Melvin here! Youve got lot of guts calling again! The receiver slammed down hard.
The father turned to his daughter and said: You see, that was anger. Now Ill show you what exasperation means.
He dialled the same number, and when a violent voice roared: Hello!
The father calmly said: Hello, this is Melvin. Have there been any calls for me?
 

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After Monday and Tuesday, even the calender says W
06 Td42ti coil cab chassis
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16,501 Posts
collingwood.
 

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I Have Imaginary Friends
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CINDERELLA wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let

her.



As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears,



and promised to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to

the ball,



but only on two conditions.







"First, you must wear a diaphragm."



Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?"



"You must be home by 2:00 A.M. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn

into a pumpkin."







Cinderella agrees to be home by 2:00 A.M.



The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up



Finally, at 5:00 A.M. Cinderella shows up, looking love struck and very

satisfied.



"Where have you been?" demands the Fairy Godmother.



"Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"



" I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything."







The Fairy Godmother stated, "I know of no prince with that kind of

power! Tell me his name!"



Cinderella replied, I can't remember, exactly, .







Peter, Peter, something or other.
 
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