[Leethal]

We used to have this clown at work, his name was 'Friday', surprise surprise because he was always off on Fridays. Not even sure of his real name. However his BS stories on Mondays were always entertaining. My favourite... I approach him Monday morning, fold my arms in anticipation and raise an eyebrow, I don't even say a word. He says, "I couldn't come in on Friday, um, I've been having these headaches and it turns out I've got a brain tumour and I had to get it drained."

Silence.

"Brain tumour you reckon?", I sheepishly ask.

"Yep", nodding profusely to emphasise his point.

"Got it drained you reckon?", I continued.

"Yep."

Another pause.

"Listen. You get a CYST on your NUTSACK drained, not a fkn brain tumour, now where is the hole in your head and the shaved patch? Whip ya hat off ya goose."

Now this was not a man to be swayed by mere evidence, and he countered with, I chit you not, "nah I can't take the hat off coz air will get in an I'll get an infection."

I suggested that a brain infection may actually be beneficial in his case but nevertheless it was entertainment for the day.


We also have a fair few Phillipinoe fellas, ex 457 visa guys, great workers and great fellas. However, once they cotton on that in Australia you get paid even if you're sick, they are all over it.

I have had, in no particular order, "because it was cloudy yesterday and sunny today I haven't acclimatised and I'm dizzy", "I had to drive back from Merriden yesterday (3 hours tops) and didn't get home until 10pm and I'm too tired", "my wife and daughter are sick and I have to look after them", now the daughter is 16, if the two of them are so fkn sick they can't make some soup for lunch to feed their mild cold they should be in hospital.

But then, the icing on the cake, yesterday the fella that runs our other factory rings me to compare stories, I offer up the brain tumour and he calls a draw! I said what have you got, he says he already has three blokes on compo, one apprentice at tafe, two blokes sick, two on annual leave and no chit one of the Phillipinoes says "I have to go, my wife's cat just bit it's own tail", and promptly phucked off while the boss stood there open mouthed and speechless!

The brain tumour bloke once also offered up a stint in hospital after an alleged car accident and claimed 100 stitches in his head. I still have the text message. By Monday he had recovered SO WELL there was no sign of any injury at all! Where do you get these blokes? Do they think people are as stupid as them?

Pfft!

What stories have you been told... Or indeed told your own boss yourself

 

[GASSED GU]

The only one I have used once was........ Sorry mate but I still cant drive straight, and I was not lying either

 

[05_ENFORCER]

Sorry Boss, I have a problem with my eyes and I can't see myself coming to work this morning...........................classic


.

 

[Leethal]

That's like the "anal glaucoma"...


I couldn't see my arse coming in today

 

[Sparkys]

We have had a bloke tell us he can't work when it's raining as it gives him a headache. That's the most creative we've had.

 

[GUzdute]

had a guy call up and say he couldn't get out his driveway, as a plane crashed out the front of his house.

 

[Bogger]

Know of a bloke that called in and said his gold fish was floating in a precarious way and had no next of kin besides himself, as he had already used all his sick leave entitlements surprise surprise, and was trying on the careers leave to say home to take care of the fish.

An old job I worked before quitting I too played the BS to get sickies off, but the manager was onto me, he was a good bloke anyway, but stupid me every time he asked straight up "how are you going ", and I'd reply good of course and then try say I'm sick, but he'd pull me up and remind me I just said I was good, how could I be sick.

 

[Ed C]

Hung Chow calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt. I not come work." The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her give me sex. Makes everything better and I can go to work. You try." Two hours later Hung Chow calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."

:cheers:

 

[DB-101]

Not a sicky excuse, we don’t do them on rigs.

But back when I was a toolpusher many years ago this kid near on got killed when a snatch block parted. Half the sheave whistled past his head at 300mph with half and inch to spare. I walked over to him and asked if he was ok and he said yes. I said you do realise you were nearly killed, yes. What’s your name, blah blah, where are you, on x rig.

OK, no obvious signs of shock, so I tell him to go down and see the medic for a check over. He went down the V door stairs, along the catwalk and stopped.

I stood watching him to make sure he got help if he keeled over on the way to the medic. But then he came back up and stood in front of me, white as a ghost, sweating and shaking and said; ‘I was nearly decapitated wasn’t I’. Ahh, yep son, you were.

He said ‘I quit, I’m not trained for this sort of thing, I never knew there was any danger there.

It’s an oil rig mate, it’s all dangerous. Just out of curiosity, what is your training, what were you do before you came out here? (was 4th or so day of his first hitch)

I was a ballet dancer.


W …. T …. F ….

I nearly choked.

I called another hand over and ask him ‘to ‘escort’ this man to the medic’.

He was off the rig on the morning chopper.

 

[Softy]

I have worked the last 3 weeks with the FLU just to try keep up on my work load (4 weeks behind) because people pull sickies...

Rage in me is high.

 

[Bogger]

Like wise I never do sickies either in mining camps, what are you going to do stare at 4-walls ?. The local employed will have a sick day at least once a swing.

Once had a bloke turn up from Perth to drive trucks underground, didn't even get 100 meters in the portal, turns out he was a bank teller and had been looking at all the miners pay checks and thought he could cut it. Seen so many blokes turn up with dollar signs in there eyes but just can't handle it, like wise some of the unexpected actually make great miners.

 

[bloke83]

No surprises for you all to know that I've pulled the odd leave entitlement or sickie, per se.

Twice now I've told complete fibs that I have a relative in another state that as died and I need the week off without pay to visit the funeral lol. Works every time, especially when you mention no pay. I don't actually know if I could get paid for that shyte.

Life is life, I'm no slave. Lol

 

[Beerhunter]

We get 12 months sickies a year. Sounds excessive but it can be done

 

[DB-101]

^^ lol, I know people who have been on a government paid sickie for 30 years, and never been sick a day in their life ...

 

[Don]

Not at work but years ago at school my mate used to live at Kuranda and travel down to highschool in Cairns each day on the rail motor which was like a little 2 carriage train

Occasionally he would want to do some thing else before going to school and he used to tell the teachers that he was delayed because the rail motor had a flat tire

Regards Don

 

[Jamie4800]

Bloke at work once...

Calls up, everybodies in a morning meeting, about 30 people squeezed in the room, supervisors phone goes off, oh it's Old mate lets all listen to his excuse. Puts it on speakerphone, everybody quiets down to listen.

Can't come in today sorry

Why not?

Fcuked mate, fcuked..

What ya mean fcuked?

Crook guts, terrible.

Ah ok well why don't you come in and see how you go?

Yeah well I was gonna, but I just farted and shat my pants so unless you want me to repraint the inside of my bogger I'm stayin at home.

Ok, seeya tonorrow mate.

 

[james008]

Had a bloke pull a really long sickie last year.
He calls the boss up last July sometime and craps on about how he's so sick and he's sore from lifting. (The most we lift is about 40kg, get the fark over it princess, and even that's optional, we have a hydraulic lifter)
The boss, not liking this guy, pretty much tells him to call back when he feels better.
He called up last week....

I got a good laugh out of it, especially since the bloke is a complete fkn halfwit deadbeat. He's in his 30's, lives with his parents, has no license, no qualifications and has never held a job down for more than 3 weeks.
Oh yeah, he lost his license for drink driving and during the court hearing to get it back he was asked how many beers he'd had the night before. Told 'em he'd had 10. Complete drop kick.

 

[GASSED GU]

If I can walk I can work, if I cant stand after rolling out of bed then your best getting back in it. Happens 1 day a year if im lucky.
I feel guilty other wise, nothing worse then feeling like your letting the team down

 

[GUEY]

If I can walk I can work, if I cant stand after rolling out of bed then your best getting back in it. Happens 1 day a year if im lucky.
I feel guilty other wise, nothing worse then feeling like your letting the team down

I'm the same. If I have a sickie it just means what I don't get done on a sick day has to be made up the next as no one else can do my job. Not a big company.
Makes for good job security though

We have a bloke at work that has had quite a few sickies already this year. We finally clicked after the last one. It is after every F1 race.

 

[Sydo]

My salesman leaves a message on voice recorder. Cough cough It's Paul cough cough I can't come in today cough cough I got bitten by a spider Cough cough. I kept the recording and played it at the sales meeting when the poor bugger was better. What a crack up