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It's all good
nissan patrol
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I went and looked at 2002 gu wagon 133k turbo deisel 4.2 vgc today at a caryard up here for 34 grand , which i thought was a bit over priced , ended up being nearly 36 on road they offered me 1000 bucks trade in on my GQ , ( i lost interest there and then) The salesman asked me what figure would get the sale , I told him i'll give him 32 grand if he puts 12months rego and 12 months warranty on it now cash , he umms and ahhs goes to see his boss and comes back with a flat no , the lowest they can afford to go is 34 and half , misses laughed and i told him good luck so i'll see what happens in the next couple of days , rant over
 

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Crooksey said:
Well im heading up to LCMP for Mud bulls and music tomorrow morning.

Anyone else heading out there this weekend????
I Wish but have to work so you can have my share of the fun and can run a muk!
 

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Here you go fella's ... Can't stop laughing




Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:




Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer. The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??




WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!!




Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?




There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?





So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.


The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5' long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...?




I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head ****ed to one side as to say, 'don't do it dip*****,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ol’ thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!!





I'm pretty sure The Hulk ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed me on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs?





The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.




Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself!


You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative?




A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.


Apparently I **** myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!




P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!





'If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid.'
 

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This one is a bit like telling your wife that you caught that disease while fishing with your buddie's ...




Bob works hard at the office but spends two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every Saturday.


His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a localstrip club.


The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Bob! How ya doin?'

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

'Oh no,' says Bob. 'He's in my bowling league.

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did she know that you drink Budweiser?'

'I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club.

I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.'

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says,


'Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?'

Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab.

Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it .

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book.

The cabby turns around and says,

'Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time.'


BOB's funeral will be on Friday.












.
 

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Give it some goat
nissan
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2,697 Posts
Crooksey in reply to the message you sent me i am heading to bribie just for an overnighter with some mates, however if you want to tag along and come camping with us you are more than welcome. I am just heading up in the troll with no other forbys so if you wanted to come out it would be good. Ill pm you my mobile number if you want to come for a spin.
 

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Boosting GQ
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89 GQ said:
Crooksey in reply to the message you sent me i am heading to bribie just for an overnighter with some mates, however if you want to tag along and come camping with us you are more than welcome. I am just heading up in the troll with no other forbys so if you wanted to come out it would be good. Ill pm you my mobile number if you want to come for a spin.
Sounds like a good idea mate, problery only come out for the day, but will talk to about it next week some time. You were going next weekend wasnt it ? i cant remember
 

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Go Hard or Go Home
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I am bored while at work.

I am bored to the point that I am falling asleep while at work. Almost got busted falling asleep infront of the Plant manger in China. I suppose the main reason for me being so tired may have something to with a late night/early morning return to the hotel this morning. I have to stop partying every night :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: . Its knocking me about too much :doh: :doh: . Bla, Bla, Bla......

So how's everyone else around the world these days?

Gee I miss my Patrol.
 

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nissan patrol
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Today I went in panic frenzy as thought my Transfer case expolded, hand grenade style. But its fixed now.:)

This forum can make you paranoid if you browse technical sections too much, so when I have a slight problem I think its going to blow out to a Patrol4x4.com melt down saga.

Ive put a holden badge on my patrol ute today for feng shui hippy style harmony and Holden security.

Good Feng Shui
 

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mechanical necromancer
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1,682 Posts
Discussion Starter #18
evening all, well news just in, my diff's gonna cost $350 drive in drive out to replace with a shiny new LSD centre WooHOO :bananada:
 

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bit cold out it seems
nissan
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9,270 Posts
So I iz sittingz here, reading da forumz when i iz meantz to be'z at workz yo.

Why?

Because I dont think i'll make the drive before i need to use 'loo. lol. dont know what i ate to cause this. Started at 3am with severe stomach pain and enough cramped gas to fill a blimp.
 
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