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Every dog has his day
2005 TD42 GUIV
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18,470 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
There was a time when I would wear holes in my undies, right under my ghoulies. I just figured it was the rough balls you get when the hair starts to grow back after you shave them for driving.

Now they don't last long enough to get holes. They disappear before they get to have holes.

They aren't in the bottom of the washing machine or dryer, they aren't in my drawers, they aren't in the washing pile, no one else in the house has them, so wtf is going on???

Clearly the underpant gnome has them. He is also in possession of one of each sock, of half my pairs at least. I refuse to give up, I have a box with all the odd socks, and on the odd rare occasion I go through them and encounter a matching pair, but there is never any evidence of the whereabouts of the odd sock in the interim. Where has it been? What adventures has it had in its absence? Why does it see fit to obfuscate my life? What kind of retard personifies a sock?

My missus hides various shirts that she finds abhorrent. She thinks I don't know. She waits six months, if I haven't said "where's that favourite fishing shirt, with the lass spread on her back on a rock, blood everywhere, and a forlorn looking devil saying 'No more virgins, bring me a sl*t!!!' ", within six that months, she assumes I've forgotten it and chucks it out. If, within the six month statute, I question its whereabouts, she contributes 'it's in the wardrobe' and before you can say 'you miserable sod you were going to turf it', she produces the shirt like it was there all along. I'm on to her tricks.

I have a couple of fishing shirts and a fishing hat in which I may not be seen south of the 26th parallel, lest I be recognised by someone who met a person who knows Mrs Leethal. She is intolerant of my attire on occasion.

It is only by the good graces of lucky fishing hats that one catches fish at all. Superstitions have been the mainstay of fishing communities since the dawn of time, and who am I to argue with something that is beyond my ego?

If she were to successfully dispense with all such necessities it would hardly be worth going fishing. Then the mates would disown me, I'd become depressed, lose my job, my family, and be crawling in the gutter begging for half a cheeseburger from rich folk.

Hence the seriousness of my predicament, I am determined to ascertain the whereabouts of the missing reg grundies and nearly half the sock quota.

Just not sure where to look.
 
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After Monday and Tuesday, even the calender says W
06 Td42ti coil cab chassis
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17,175 Posts
Neighborhood snowdropper??

This is serious.................pad;)
 

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Nissan
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Sweet jesus Lee, please share whatever you are on lol. Although good, nothing has come close to your portable thunderbox thread.... perhaps that is where the socks and red red grundies are?
 

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Premium Member
Triton n Lovin it.
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You just go.....
























































Commando, problem fixed! :iconbana:

Foo
 

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nissan
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Are these stories going to be a weekly thing?
If so could you please not mention your shaven ghoulies again? Some of us patrol owners are visual readers!!! I dont want to go through that again!!!
 

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After Monday and Tuesday, even the calender says W
06 Td42ti coil cab chassis
Joined
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17,175 Posts
Are these stories going to be a weekly thing?
If so could you please not mention your shaven ghoulies again? Some of us patrol owners are visual readers!!! I dont want to go through that again!!!

That's alright for you pal, I was eating my breakfast.

You ever tried to swallow muesli with a bit of sick in your mouth at the same time ffs.
 

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Premium Member
nissan
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7,038 Posts
You need to shave your nuts to drive? Clearly either you or I must be doing something wrong. The only time I've shaved my nuts was when I got the snip and I'm not in any hurry to do it again.

Can somebody fill me in on the finer points of driving that I've no idea about? (stop sniggering you lot)

Cheers,
 

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nissan
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5,279 Posts
Mate this is a phenomenon which has also baffled me for years. The funny thing in our house is it generally seems to be person specific. When folding the washing, any lonely socks get put on the back of a couch out the back, awaiting the return of their partner. There’s not a single sock of mine in this singles club. All of them are my missus and daughters destined to live life as bachelors and spinsters. Now I think there are a couple of powers at play here.

One is the sheer volume of socks one owns. In the past when I have attempted to put away their socks in the sock draws, it has been like putting a handful of frogs into a draw already full, and getting it fully closed without any jumping out or squashing any in the process. Let’s just say I don’t bother anymore. All clothes get put on their bed. F#ck it, they can have that battle.

The next issue in our house is how similar the socks are to one another, who is folding the washing, and how much attention they are paying to the job. All those lonely soles on the back of the couch are either black or white, and I seem to be the only one who puts them there. I am a very meticulous person, and compare all the socks before pairing them up. They might be the same colour, but usually different lengths or material. I am positive the others just smash any two socks together as long as they are the same colour. Now just because they are the same colour, doesn’t mean they were made for one another. This then creates a snowballing process of relationship breaking that drives me nuts. Maybe I should just get over myself, and do as they do. Am I depriving these socks on the back of the couch the swinging lifestyle that exists in these draws? My sock draw is purely monogamous, and that is the way it is going to stay. I did however get a bit worried a few years ago, when some of my socks started to disappear. Were they jumping into my missus or daughters draws for a bit of adultery? Thankfully they were innocent. I found them a month later it my daughters toy box. They had been torn away from their loved one and humiliated as sock puppets. Although they were reunited it was never the same with eyes, ears and noses drawn on them.

Now in regards to your disappearing grundies, I don’t have as many theories. But if I were destined to get extra holes ripped in me by your spiky bollocks, I to would hide. I would sneak into a pillow case or elastic fitted bed sheet being washed from the spare bed after guests, and hope I could remain undercover in there. Then dried, folded by someone not paying attention, and put into the closet for a long deserved break.

Maybe some where to look.

I think too much.
 

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Here To Be Entertained
Currently not a vehicle owner
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Sounds like you've got a panty stealer running loose Leethal that likes your man smell.

Bit concerning!
 

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The Googlest, Apparently!
nissan patrol
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"I just figured it was the rough balls you get when the hair starts to grow back after you shave them for driving."


W T F ...
 

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nissan
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Cmon Leethal we all want an explanation! Surely you have sobered up by now???
 

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Every dog has his day
2005 TD42 GUIV
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18,470 Posts
Discussion Starter #17
Ok ok keep your hats on gents.

It's just another of my making life easier theories.

Now pubes, as we all know, are like passionfruit vines.

They will twist and curl and maneouvre themselves in a desperate effort to achieve more ground than their peers - they are restless and tireless.

Now you go for a long drive, of course you're in limp mode (understand Ben?), and all is good. Now the pubes, all vine spec, manage to not only maneouvre themselves around the Big Mac (or junior burger, as the case may be), but they also tie themselves in a knot.

Stick with me.

Now for any one of a number of reasons, you could spontaneously be armed with a bar a cat couldn't scratch.
This could be;
A) badly need a wee
B) stole glimpse of Mrs' cleavage and imagination wandered off
C) no fkn reason whatsoever (more so younger blokes this one)

Now as you exit limp mode with a pile of pubes tied in knot around the big fella and he takes up more space, the knots hold fast so you rip a couple of pubes out - very painful.

So outsmart them I say, shave (or at least a number one clipper run) them and you won't have the problem. They are outsmarted.

Now this is mainly the specimens north of the Big Mac and south of the belly button, and it would look like a very strange goatie to leave the jatz crackers all haired up so you go the whole hog.

And you are free to get a bone a dog couldn't chew with impunity.


I know one of you is smirking and nodding, and whilst you won't admit it, you'll give it a go.

Plus the ladies mostly prefer it.

There ya go :)
 

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nissan
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That really didnt help my visual reading!!! Damit
That reason (in my eyes) doesn't warrant getting a razor out! But im not the most hairest bloke so maybe its worse for others!??
Im going to have some beers now!
 

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The Googlest, Apparently!
nissan patrol
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15,795 Posts
Nah, sorry, I will leave it to you.

The pain from my boners, which can be used as a back up hi-lift jack lever if required, far outweighs pain from the odd pube getting ripped out.

The wife, on the other hand, has to shave every week by order.

I just love to stuff that prickly little hedgehog ...
 
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